xblackheartedx

i m going to make an attempt at making a "new years post".



now, most of this year, i ve been saying to myslef.
wow. what a fucking WASTE of a year.

i ve said more than once, i think i COMPLETELY fucking wasted a year of my life.
i don't feel as if i accomplished anything, or was satisfied with ANYTHING i did this year.

in hindsight, i can't say thats completely true.
now don't get me wrong i ll get to my tiffs with this year.


but i want to take a second and look at the highlights of my year.

- for the first time made my way to SF, and went to macworld. a new experience, and a good one at that.

- Did the whole 48 hours thing. vegas. great experience, great end product.

- The Oregon Trip with my mom grandma and jerry. stayed for longer than expected.
although it may have been boring as fuck at times, i can't say i regret it.

- Did a little more photography than normal, and got "in-touch" with that a little.

- Comic con was nothing short of great, as usual. it always makes my year, and i can't ever imagine NOT going.
seeing fanboys was worth it, playing tetris on that gameboy. seeing mathew fox. all the usual great stuff.

- Started Skating ALOT more, i can say i almost got back to where i was as a kid. and that felt good.
learning mini-ramp, was a HUGE accomplishment for me this year. in less than i month, i was ripping that thing up. as apposed to being afraid to drop in the first time.

- the iphone. god i had been waiting so long. and just getting it was excellent. so usefull.

-the CRAC house. definently a positive for the year. becoming the common hang out. hopefully we are not wearing our welcome, which probably do at times, but either way, has been the relief to alot of stress this past year.

-ping.pong.room.

-friends. stephanie. and so on.

-not to forget all the little things, like disneyland. drivearounds. all the good movies. leaked movies. etc.


but one of the BIG things was starting my own "at home" business, on ebay. none the less, it turned into something i didn't expect.pretty much a full fledged job, bringing me more money than i think i've ever had. allowing me to live comfortably. bought a heat press later in the year, undeniably one of the "best" investments i made all year, and for a long time as well, it easily double my profits. but this whole thing is something i feel proud of myself for. its something i DO feel accomplished about.





but the year did not come without its downs.
and i ll be honest, i feel like i had a whole lot of downs.

really, for some reason it was just stressfull as fuck. i always found myself stressed out about SOMETHING.

there were definently long times of finding myself wondering about shit, and just thinking about my life.
about life in general. feeling lost. and confused. wondering where the FUCK i am headed.

there was always this longing feeling of "getting away" which is why i took the opportunities to travel.



at the beginning of this year. i had alot of "goals" i wanted to accomplish. and really.
i dont know that i did any of them, quite honestly, i think i started out the year in a slum. of being lazy.
and just not feeling up to anything, and i dont know that besides "work" that changed.

which led to the end of the year. me discussing with david, how i feel like i wasted this year.
accomplishing nothing. and i will look back and think, wow, what the FUCK did i do with this year?
i turned 23 this year. and i think that was a big part. i m getting older. and i felt like...dude really?
is this where i saw myself at this point? where the fuck did i go wrong? where SHOULD i be?

hands down my biggest regret of the year.
not going to hawaii for my birthday, and hesitating to buy that ticket, resulting in a doubling of price.300$ round trip is fuckin unbelievable at this point. and you better believe this trip this time around, is going to be amazing. i have so many plans, but nothing set in stone, no TRUE plan of action, i m just going to go, and just BE, and explore, the island, and myself, on so many different levels.

new years resolutions?
i don't think i m that type of person anymore.
i feel like they are silly. i don't even feel like i live my life like that.
setting these "standards" or "goals" on an arbitrary date based on a gregorian calender.
i don't think the NEW YEAR, (or any date at that) should be the reason to push ourselves.

but. needless to say.
on a some what "hypocritical" level to my previous statement.

on that note.
2009 is here.
and i have made a note for myself.
i think this will be a year of change.
a year of progression. accomplishment.

i m ready to do things. go places.
i don't feel like i have time to waste anymore.
and it took a year of wasted time to see that.
but i know thats not what i want anymore.
you only get one life, and this year. (and so on.) i plan on really living it.
and hopefully with others along the way.



2009.i've got big plans for you.